The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
