The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
These tits shall not be calmed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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