You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
