her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
time to smoke my breakfast
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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