And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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