so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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