RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
