Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
