I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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