i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
