I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
