I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hippo gnu deer
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
