..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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