Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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