Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
