Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
