I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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