Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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