All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
