She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
