I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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