i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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