Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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