He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
