Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
