I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
