if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize