remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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