last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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