yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
