dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
