i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it's like iHOP with fire
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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