Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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