my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Its about making memories worth repressing
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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