Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
