I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I supernannyed him into submission
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
