I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
