whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just gift wrapped bread.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize