you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
