this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
