So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
