Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
