It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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