My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
