She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
