Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
