I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
