remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
