I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We need to get me chipped asap
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
