How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
