we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize