Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
