i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I love having hate sex.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
