Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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