I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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