girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
