We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
