Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize