Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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