Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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