Cold hands, warm shart.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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