just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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