you guys were way drunker than both of me
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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