Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
