we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
