the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
