I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
