I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
