So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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