Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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