FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
