those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
