You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Still dying that you shit outside
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
