Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
