never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
