Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
