Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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