HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
