Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
