Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
