Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
