Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
