I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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