he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
