Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
