there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
