I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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