Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize