after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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