I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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