I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
