yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize