is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
