Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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