remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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