She is in my trunk
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
