doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You made out with two different species that night
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
