Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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