paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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