She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
