if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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