I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
