I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
