Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
