I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
