sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
the liver wants what the liver wants
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
