I feel great
I just peed on a car
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
