He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize