i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
