DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
