phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
