just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
