i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My ass is underappreciated
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
