i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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