i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize