I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
