she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
