How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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