i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
