Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
from now on my penis is your penis
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
