You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
