why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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