note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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